He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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