is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found puke in my bra..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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