I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need a beard to bite.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
