i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
