i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He shit in the fireplace
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
