I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
