i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
