I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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