trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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