I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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