Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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