you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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