After last night, I could never be a politician.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
