what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
