iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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