I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
