He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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