I'm so fucking centered right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
