New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
