Your face is a jimmy john
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
