Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
