I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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