Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
please come you make the beer taste better
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
