If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
