so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
