oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
