It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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