She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
