This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
