He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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