She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
