This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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