she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
