Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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