I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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