Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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