we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
