I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
