theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
