Say something about gay babies.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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