we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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