That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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