It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
