Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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