my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
