my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
