their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
