everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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