Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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