The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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