Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
