i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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