So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wish my penis had a tongue
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
